The Illusion of Control and The Longing of Our Soul
Sometimes I write with a point in mind. Other times, the point finds me while I write. I feel something stirring, or sense a new idea near so I start writing to see if I can find it. What you are about to read is one of those. Raw. Wandering. No major edits. No major point. Just words laying a trail for my heart to follow, with little discoveries along the way. Walk with me.
Journal Entry - 11/10/18
I could spend my whole life trying to get to know me and the truth is, you, Creator King, have done an infinitely unique job on all of us. I can no sooner fully know myself than I can fully know you.
I can no sooner fully know myself than I can fully know you.
And somehow, discovery of self and you come from new thoughts entering our head. I’m not sure any of us really have a truly original idea. All we can do is filter what we hear, see, read, and experience, noticing if it agrees with our nature or not. The nature that is so deeply, so simply, us, that we can’t articulate it. We can only recognize it when someone else does.
Why do I want to know everything so badly?
Knowing gives me control, doesn’t it?
Yet, it is your grace that doesn’t allow me to completely know, anything, isn’t it? Being in control may be what my flesh desires but it is not my soul’s longing.
Being in control may be what my flesh desires but it is not my soul’s longing.
I long to be fully surrendered.
Wholly consumed by the power and control of an excellent and good being. You. The One True God.
The more that I do what is good for my soul, the more I crave it. Give me more. More trust to surrender. More tastes of your goodness. More opportunities to relinquish control.
Oh the freedom…of stepping into life, not needing to know everything, because I know YOU.
The secret to a life of freedom, is not that we know everything. That is nothing but an illusion of control. The secret is that we let go of that illusion altogether. It is an illusion driven by fear and fear alone, and it must go.
We never were in control. We never will be in control. When we work, when we rest, when we fly, when we fall.
We will never be satisfied if we simply take a break from an illusion. This is why "self-care" fails. It is a small break from trying to know everything and do everything.
I want women to turn to reality. I want to articulate you so that they will let their existence be aligned with truth. The truth that you, God, ARE LOVE, and you, God, ARE SOVEREIGN.
Turn to reality! Let your existence be aligned with truth! The truth that God IS LOVE and God IS SOVEREIGN!
What else do you need to know for your soul to find rest and your life to find power?
What we need is more trust, not more knowledge.
Be offended by the suggestion that you can know everything and control anything because that suggestion breeds fear. Be offended by the suggestion that you can save yourself in any way because that breeds exhaustion.
Are you a slave to fear - trying to control everything?
Or are you a slave to freedom - surrender to God’s love?
1 John 4:18 tells us “There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.”
So I say, we should seek not to know more, but to know God’s love more.
Seek not to know more, but to know God’s love more.
Ask for opportunities to experience it. Then, with courage, open yourself up to receiving it. Surrender control.
This both pleases our God and satisfies our soul.